Saturday, July 25, 2015

Obama Says George Washington was a Terrorist, Bans Hot Dogs

In the aftermath of the Lafayette Theater shooting, Obama held a press conference wearing a Playboy bunny uniform in solidarity with trannies deprived of their right to be dictator of the United States.

Noting that White people with guns and functioning bodies were his "greatest frustration", Obama began wailing about how George Washington was a terrorist, and Thomas Jefferson was a racist Nazi who only had time to write the Declaration of Independence because of his slave army that he often raped.

"Technically, we should still be part of the British Empire," said Obama. "And I'm banning hot dogs because Dylann Storm Roof likes Burger King."

Reporters asked what he meant by that last comment, but Obama just laughed and said, "Predator drones."

"If we had no White men with guns, racism would be less of an issue," said Paul Krugman. "Still, wiping out the White race is desirable, laudatory, and can be done on a budget."

"How many White men does it take to screw in a light bulb?" asked Elizabeth Warren.

"Is this a fag joke?" asked Krugman.

They all laughed, except for Jenny Anderson who insisted hot dogs were a symbol of heterosexual hatred for all gay humanity, and that Obama was being insensitive to women who had consensual sex with White men due to massive Christian brainwashing.

"Church made my friend Sharon pregnant because they pushed straight marriage oppression on her with their Jesus crucifix magick," Jenny screamed. "Jesus died just so my friend would be knocked up, and get stretched for White patriarchy, lessening although not ruining her prospects for a rewarding career as a porn star."

"That's the White devil for you," said Obama, hitting his crack pipe. "Please order me another 10 year old boy."

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